DYING FOR SLEEP

I have been awake now for about four days straight.  I keep trying to sleep and it won't come, but at the same time my body fights to stay awake.  I find myself falling asleep as I lay down with the tv on. I have tried to lay down with everything off, but it doesn't work, so I lay down with the tv on and I start to drift off to sleep, but within a minute or two I jerk awake.  There are times when I start to drift off to sleep and someone else wakes me up without thinking, forgetting I have been awake for four days.  Without sleep my body swells and my muscles start to ache because everything is swollen and sore.  When a person sleeps their body heals and without sleep the healing process slows down so any booboos as I call them are not healing, like the rash I have on top of my foot from getting stung by a wasp twice the other night.  My face has broken out into acne which is wierd because I have never been one to get acne even in High School when puberty hit I did not get acne.   I recieved a Birth Control shot a little while ago and that is supposed to help with ance as a postive side effect, but when a person doesn't get enough sleep and the body is under stress ance hits.  I have ance for another reason that I won't share, but without sleep the ance I do have becomes worse getting redder with each sleepless night.  Make up can cover it up nicely as the ance isn't too bad just yet, but each day and night that passes that I don't get any sleep the make up covers less and less of my face that is red.   I feel like I am drunk and driving right now is dangerous because I am so tired. I even do the drunk one eye shut to do simple tasks just so I can focus my vision.    Yes, I know that msot are thinking that if I am this tired sleep should be easy, but sadly it's not that easy.      I know the reason for my lack of sleep is beacuse I am scared I will get a nightmare. Lately I have been pretty happy, but I do long for one thing and that is to cuddle up next to someone and sleep.  R will probably be the guy that I sleep next to come Friday night.  I don't want to do what he and I plan to do on Friday, but I agreed and since agreeing I find myself on pins and needles trying to figure out a way to fix it all, but I don't think I will be able to and that is something I will face when the time comes.   A reason I do what to see R is because I have a feeling he will take pity on me and cuddle up next to me allowing me to finally fall asleep plus he and I might have sex and I have no doubt that I will sleep like a baby should that happen.  I won't sleep like a baby during the actual act of sleep  lol, but afterward I should fall asleep nicely because a ton of stress and physical frustration will be gone.    I don't even know if we will end up having sex. Based on some text message converstations that he and I have had I have a feeling that we will end up in bed having sex.   I get the feeling that R misses sex and he especially misses sex with me.   It doesn't mean he misses me he is the same as I am.  I am the last person he had sex with so it's fresh in his mind and because he and I were good together in bed or floor lol he can't help but think about me in referance to sex.  I am the same way. R is the last guy I slept with and I was with him for four months so because it is still fresh in my mind when I think about sex I think about him and since I miss sex of course my mind goes to him.     I hate when people say someone is the best in bed because it's inaccurate.  I have been told I am the best in bed a few times and I always thought it was stupid.  Of course you will think that someone is the best in bed when you are currently having sex with them because it's fresh in your mind.  Only if you truely think about it and have a good memory can you make an unbiased choice.   Also, when you tell someone they are the best in bed usually people are refering to one specific sexual act not all the sex they have had with that partner in general.   When I think about who the best partner I have ever had is I think about all the times I had sex with them and I average it out.  The best sex you have ever had is different from telling someone they are the best in bed.  As a woman when I look to decide who the best in bed is I do not base it on the biggest penis or the best kisser, sometimes it can be how they act in bed.   I have had my male friends tell me that a women's technique may not be the greatest as she may not have perfect rhythm, but she may be enthusatic and be adventous like trying new and different things really making the guy feel as though she can't get enough of him.   I think I fall into the cateogory of making a guy feel wanetd, but I don't think I am all that great.  I have been told that because I constantly move my hands touching and caressing, in addition to try new things.  The new things are usually things that I have done and don't get me wrong some things are just an automatic NO with me, but with R there were a few things he had never done before that wasn't anything wierd or unusal well, one thing was something a little different, but because he had never done these things as he had only been with two females before me and not for a very long time so he didn't get to try a bunch of different positions I was more than willing and happy to ask him if he wanted to try the things he hadn't done and because I am like that I would like to think it made the act more enjoyable for him.   I was never told this by him, but I think it is true because of how happy he got smiling afterward on one partical night when we had gone for a long car ride he said it was awesome LOL..  I felt a sense of pride and it made me happy that my partner was enjoying himself.      So many people don't understand things when it comes to sex.   I have gotten some response about R and I maybe having sex.  Most people think that he and I seem to be in a good place so it won't be a problem.  Only a couple of people think that it is wierd.   They seem to think that it is a no good because of love.  When I explained that he has never loved me they changed their mind and thought it was not a big deal.   It seems that sleeping with an ex is only a problem if the two people were once in love.  R and I have neevr been in love with each other, but instead I have love for him as a person and I respect him.  Because of my feelings and how I respect him almost everyone that reads or has an opnion agrees that sex will not be a problem and they really eased my mind.   there are times when I am not sure if I am looking into things deep enough or if I am being unbiased making a choice based on what I want rather than what is smart.  I have gotten advice and all my thoughts lately are without a doubt based on logic and not based on needs or my wants.     It is 2am and I am still without sleep.  I am going to go drive to the pharmacy and get some HOMEPATHIC allergy sleeping medicine in order to take away this sinus crap and maybe be able to fall asleep.   Not to worry my girlfriends who are reading this.  I am not getting actual medcine, but an all natural remedy.    I will go to the store tomorrow and get some herbs and roots and maybe some nice decafineated tea, but for now the all natural medcine will have to work.   So goodnight all though not for me as I am without sleep.  Can Friday come any sooner so perhaps I can get some cuddles in order to drift off to sweet blissful sleep, but again this all relies on if R is willing to lay next to me and help a friend out.   I think if perhaps I can push doing what he is coming over for until the next morning which will be a good idea anyway for other reasons they he will have no problem and perhaps even want to because I think in some ways he does want to.   It is just a feeling I get from the things he says and does.   i don't think he dislikes me as much as he can put off. I think he does care for me as a friend and I think that I don't bug him as much as sometimes.   We will see on Friday what the verdict is. Will a friend be helped out????   Sweet Dreams alls