Today was another exhausting busy day. I did not get any sleep last night and of course I had to wake up early to work another full day. No longer will I have short days of only working six hours, but now I will always work nine hours, but it means I will always be off no later than five even when I go in early so that is something I like plus I will have almost every weekend off which I absolutely love because now I can make plans and hang out with the rest of the world who do nine til five and get weekends off. I so in a bit earlier than nine, but I am happy with. The only ba thing about work currently is that all my work for the past two years got deleted because for some reason work redid my profile and it may be impossible to get it, but I might have a chance. I am just going to be so sad if all that work is lost. Tonight I went out and I did have to listen to someone scream because they are friends with their ex and not taking it well wanting to get back together. I told them to back off or they will never be friends and I let it at that I can listen and be a good friend but i decide just not to get in the middle. I notice I always put myself in the middle and offer up advice and I am sick of it. I just want to worry about me and enjoy my life. What good is drama and stress when the drama is not even mine?
I ot home around 3 am really tired because after a long day at work I ha planned to take a nap before going out but instead I went to the UPS store, the actualy store, filled up my tank and then I had to do laundry. My clothes didnt get dry by the time I had to leave so I went in black workout booty pants, my brothers hoody type of thing and a pair of heels cuz girls you gotta work it! It used to be if you wore heels with jeans and a blouse then you were a fashion victim but now thansk to shoes lol they have so many types to choose from. Lately I like shoes.
Anyway last night was really good, but I do feel bad or two of my friends. One broke up with her bf a while ago but are friends and its not good from them because she wants more. My other friend says she is leaving her bf/ fiance. Both my friends are hurting and I want to help them but dont know how so all i can do is listen and keep my space because I have to be around positive things, but I still want to be a good friend I just cant try to fix things. Well I coul say a lot more but I am super tired I woke up for a few minutes but now I HAVE to go back to sleep because I am drowsy. I still havent text Richard so Im still being strong an Im proud of that even if I do miss sex but I know that isnt the best for me right now. What is meant to be will be without me forcing it so that is something to look forward to. Well I am falling asleep because I havent sleept excep t for a few hours, so before I just pass out.. Yea I will be sleeping all day until i go out again tonight.. Lets get this party started :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Busy Life
I feel horrible I haven't had much of a chance to blog lately. Life has been really busy. Since last Thursday when I saw R I have been really busy and having a blast. Saturday night I went out and I ran into an old friend K. K and I were pretty close about two years ago when I was dating this guy J who ended up being not such a nice guy. He lied to me about being married, then about getting a divorce and when I found out he wasn't legally separated I broke up with him. I was also pregnant at that time and though I tried to maintain a positive outcome it wasn't possible because he got back together with his wife even though I was thinking about staying with him and he with me it just wasn't a good thing at all. There was a lot of drama, a lot of heartbreak and eventually I got rid of the baby because it was a horrible situation to be in and even worse to bring an innocent life in, so I moved on. Anyway I ended the friendship with K because I had met her through my ex and since he took his wife back after me I knew they would be hanging out and I decided I just couldn't be in that place, but we didn't fight and we were both pretty sad. K became friends with the ex's wife and their friendship ended shortly after that. I felt awkward running ito her, but K, myself, and a few guys went to an all night diner and I did't get home until after 4am. K and I decided we wanted to be friends again and it's great. I went back to work on Monday and everything went pretty well. On Wednesday K and I went and bought cards for two friends then went out with friend's to Red Lobster which was a great time. After dinner we went out and then went out some place else. I won't talk about where we went because it's kind of private, but it was really awesome. We ended up getting home after one in morning. K and I spent a while sitting in the car just talking and having a great time. I met a couple of guys while out and some were really cute and nice, but I am not really looking for anything just yet. I am going out again tomorrow and Saturday with K and friends yet again. I have always been a loner so being surrounded by friends now and actually really having a great time feels good for a change. They aren't just people I get along with, but friends who have my best interest at heart. True friends want you to be happy and they want only good things for you. True friends will also steer you into the right direction when you get of course. True friends won't knock the person you spend time with just because they don't like them or because you spend too much time with that person, but instead will simply be happy for you.
I have been so busy lately and having so much fun that I haven't had much time to think about R, but last night while talking to K I did think about him as we talked about men and sex lol. I realised that I wanted to see him again not to really see him, but allow him access to my forbidden fruits as one would say. Of the guys who I have been hanging out with lately with my grilfriends I could of course sleep with a few of them and even be with a few of them, but I am just not into it. It's strange because I am interested in sex either, but I am interested in a little human contact. One thing R is good at is that he doesn't jsut have sex, but he cuddles too and he tries to connect. I couldn't connect with him last time because I wouldn't allow myself to, but still that connection seeped in like sewage. It sucks when that happens especially for someone like me because I am so used to taking care of myself and being by myself. I have family and friends, but for the most part I let everything just stay inside me and I am usually the person to try and fix everything, so when something happens and you find yourself with needs and wants it sucks because you know no good can come out it when you will still be on your own. especially with the R thing because he is not around and won't be around. I can want all I want to have sex with him again, but it's not going to happen and it probably shouldn't have happened the first time. I wonder if I should text him, but R is a guy that has to have his way. I want something, but if he's not in control it won't happen. Like me R is a busy guy with a busy and full life so I am sure he has not thought of me much either, but I wonder if it has crossed his mind when it gets late and he realizes that perhaps a kiss or a little more would feel pretty damn nice at the moment. I won't be thinking of it much because tomorrow I will go to work for a full and long day, then after I will head out to hang out with some friends until midnight when then I will go and hang out with K and another group of friends. I will go home and miss sex util Saturday where I will go and hang out with K and my friends again. Sunday I will rest and seeing as Monday is a holiday I will go and hang out with friends yet again.
I have a ton of plans in foreseeable future like a dance coming up. It's a Halloween dance and K and I have alreayd decided we will go and of course we will be wearing costumes and look smashing not to mention cute and hot. Still tonight is a night that is a big sleepless. I must go to sleep because I have a long and exhausting day tomorrow until I get home where I will take a nap before going out and enjoying life as one should enjoy it. I am still getting used to hanging out with my friends because even if K and I just reconnected my other friends I usually hang out with once a week, but now we hang out a lot more only because I am now saying yes when they want to go out and have fun. I say yes because being a loner suits me at moments, but the other times I just really don't want to be home watching tv by myself or on the computer and going out by myself to meet people well I never do that because I think it's a little creepy haha. So I go out knowing that it's good for me and I to can have what I always envied when I would see a whole group of about six people going out having a good time and now I too have that. I've always had it with my friends I just never accepted it. I finally figured out that you have to accepted the good things. If something feels good, but you run away simply because it doesn't feel natural, the only reason being that you don't know how to be yourself with someone and end up being different people to different people well, than you are simply running out of fear and in time you learn to accept it. Who wants to be by themselves all the time and always set themselves up to be by them self? I know I don't because in the end you truly do end up being alone and that is very lonely indeed. Well I have a long day ahead of me and kind of a busy and long weekend so I must try and get a little sleep. I will try to keep writing my blog, but life gets busy so readers please excuse my lateness. :) Sweet Dreams All.
I have been so busy lately and having so much fun that I haven't had much time to think about R, but last night while talking to K I did think about him as we talked about men and sex lol. I realised that I wanted to see him again not to really see him, but allow him access to my forbidden fruits as one would say. Of the guys who I have been hanging out with lately with my grilfriends I could of course sleep with a few of them and even be with a few of them, but I am just not into it. It's strange because I am interested in sex either, but I am interested in a little human contact. One thing R is good at is that he doesn't jsut have sex, but he cuddles too and he tries to connect. I couldn't connect with him last time because I wouldn't allow myself to, but still that connection seeped in like sewage. It sucks when that happens especially for someone like me because I am so used to taking care of myself and being by myself. I have family and friends, but for the most part I let everything just stay inside me and I am usually the person to try and fix everything, so when something happens and you find yourself with needs and wants it sucks because you know no good can come out it when you will still be on your own. especially with the R thing because he is not around and won't be around. I can want all I want to have sex with him again, but it's not going to happen and it probably shouldn't have happened the first time. I wonder if I should text him, but R is a guy that has to have his way. I want something, but if he's not in control it won't happen. Like me R is a busy guy with a busy and full life so I am sure he has not thought of me much either, but I wonder if it has crossed his mind when it gets late and he realizes that perhaps a kiss or a little more would feel pretty damn nice at the moment. I won't be thinking of it much because tomorrow I will go to work for a full and long day, then after I will head out to hang out with some friends until midnight when then I will go and hang out with K and another group of friends. I will go home and miss sex util Saturday where I will go and hang out with K and my friends again. Sunday I will rest and seeing as Monday is a holiday I will go and hang out with friends yet again.
I have a ton of plans in foreseeable future like a dance coming up. It's a Halloween dance and K and I have alreayd decided we will go and of course we will be wearing costumes and look smashing not to mention cute and hot. Still tonight is a night that is a big sleepless. I must go to sleep because I have a long and exhausting day tomorrow until I get home where I will take a nap before going out and enjoying life as one should enjoy it. I am still getting used to hanging out with my friends because even if K and I just reconnected my other friends I usually hang out with once a week, but now we hang out a lot more only because I am now saying yes when they want to go out and have fun. I say yes because being a loner suits me at moments, but the other times I just really don't want to be home watching tv by myself or on the computer and going out by myself to meet people well I never do that because I think it's a little creepy haha. So I go out knowing that it's good for me and I to can have what I always envied when I would see a whole group of about six people going out having a good time and now I too have that. I've always had it with my friends I just never accepted it. I finally figured out that you have to accepted the good things. If something feels good, but you run away simply because it doesn't feel natural, the only reason being that you don't know how to be yourself with someone and end up being different people to different people well, than you are simply running out of fear and in time you learn to accept it. Who wants to be by themselves all the time and always set themselves up to be by them self? I know I don't because in the end you truly do end up being alone and that is very lonely indeed. Well I have a long day ahead of me and kind of a busy and long weekend so I must try and get a little sleep. I will try to keep writing my blog, but life gets busy so readers please excuse my lateness. :) Sweet Dreams All.
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