Cancelled seeing R

Hello people,
                      Well I cancelled seeing R on Friday today.  Why, because he is not someone I want to be around now or ever.   When I broke up with R I did so after the final straw of him saying he didn't like having sex with me. He actually said he didn't enjoy it then proceeded to tell me how how he couldn't enjoy it becaus he felt nothing for me.  I broke up with him when he said those words and not long after he got drunk and tol dme how much he missed me and how he was wrong because he missed sex with with me.  When I realized he was drunk i was angry because as soon as he sobered up he said that it was wrong.   When I broke up with R I told him I would never sleep with him again because he hurt me so bad.  He did so many things to my self esteem and I have to work everyday at trying to remind myself that I am not as fat as Santa Clause because yes, he called me Santa.   I was hurt when he had gotten drunk because at that time I thought if he is saying he was wrong and lied about everything then I could sleep with him again and maybe earn a little bit of my ego back, but it was a GAME to him and he had fun telling me how he was drunk and after he said how wrong he was he told me he couldn't sleep with me because it wouldn't be right then told me that he did mean what he said.   Lately things have been really good between us especially since I joke with him and make it all about what he wants.  Everything has to be about what he wants because he doesn't care what I want. R knows he is a selfish person.  Since lately things have been going so well I wanted to sleep next to him after we broke up there were times when I would hold him or he would hold me. We cuddled until i fell asleep and it never seemed to bother him.  When R started talking about sex this past week and how he wanted to I really started to think about it, but because of what he has done in the past it was hard for me then I decided that it was a good thing like a new start.  Today when I talked to R about sleeping with me just sleep he said that he thought about it and didnt want, but he was still fine with sex.   I have not slept in days and days, and I just flipped.  I asked him what he had planned on doing, to screw me and leave, but to stop and put money on the dresser?    Then he and I both said no to sex.  When we were talking about just sleeping together he said he didnt want to be he didn't grow up that way.  R did not think that saying he didn't grow up that way is in any way a di\g or insult to me, but any moron would know that you are telling the other person that it mesns they did grow up that way and he's better than me.   R is a snob, but I was really trying.    For him to keep coming back to me and saying he was wrong and that he didn't mean the insuts he said only to KEEP retracting them. I was starting to forgive him really forgive him and they he comes back to treat me like crqp again.   While R and I were texting I was crying really hard.  I was really considering sleeping with him after I said I never would again because it would mean my ego coud be lifted just a little and I really needed that boost after all that I have been through and all that R put me through.   I just feel really stupid at how navie I was to even consider it and to agree to it well, I am the dumbest person alive.  I should have known it was just a stupid game because thats all I have ever been to Richard is a stupid game.   He has told me a number of times of how little I mean to him his words are I don't mean anything.  He lies so much in order to not look like the true jerk he is and I give in to him over and over again only because I try so hard to be a good person.  I told him I can't see him on Friday that I have plans, but I didn't make plans because I had planned on seeing him.  I didn't even want to see R. i have lost weight lately since he called me Santa, but my stomach is big. My face looks thinner, but my stomach looks bigger. My mom was making fun of how big my belly has gotten today even though my legs are thinner too. I am basically doing what I can to make sure that R doesn't see me.  I haven't even told R that I am moving. He knows I planned on moving but doesn't know to Alaska. I asked R about whats going on in his life, but he never asks where I am moving to  or when.  I just thought about a lot of stuf and knew I cant see R ever again I think it's just too risky between the two of us and if we se each other it has to be stat and even if its this week I still get nervous thinking about him because I just don't know what's going to hapen I can be super calm ans friendly then he could do one thing to remind  iii