NO MORE DATING!!

Well guess what this single girl got stood the fuck up.  After making myself look like a damn model making my hair and makeup perfect and since I have lost almost twenty pounds yes, I have lost a ton of weight as of late just because I don't feel well but, it seems to be normal.  I think maybe R making fun of my weight and his buddy calling me fat which all my friends think is nuts.   Anyway so MUCLES texts me before our dateis supposed to start and asks if we can move it up at that point I thought okay I can be understanding so we moved up two hours then when the time comes and I am completely ready about five minutes past he calls me saying he just got home and wonders if we can do it on Saturday.    I started laughing like dude why would you even go to that trouble and ask someone who doesn't freaking know you out?    I texted the Muscle bound moron lol just kidding on the moron part but, I texted him and said I can't do Saturday or any other day because I am just to busy right now but, Thanks Anyways :)     lol he texted me later and said okay cool maybe another time and I stared at my phone and thought, " Am I not being clear enough? "  most guys who acted like that with a chick would know you blew it dude you don't get another chance.  It's a little wierd because we are all supposed to go out to the bar and I will be the DD of course but, I don't want to see this guy again.   I can it won't bug me that much but, I hate that I was put in a position to where I had to say Im never going out with him at all.  Seriously who does that?    I think he knows he made a mistake and I think he feels a little bad but, he didn't tell me why he had to cancle and calling me at the exact time is a big NO NO.    I don't care if the dude was nervous or not he done fucked up.         I think it showed me I am just not ready to date yet.  I keep trying to date and it keeps blowing up in my face because the guys I say yes to I and know in my heart that I am just not really into dating yet.    This is the first year where I have really tried the dating game and I just am not ready.   I have a lot of healing to do and with R it pushed me back a couple of milestone with trusting guys knowing that I deserve  to be treated with respect and in a good way.   Lately I have just calmed down and I am not looking at being stood up a bad thing yea it stung a bit but, I laughed it off with girl friends and we all said his loss especially since I looked hott!      I guess when it comes down to it I am not worried about men and love because I am kind of happy on  my own.  I know that I need to put myself out there and i can't hide forever because if I don't date I get into my thoughts that all men are bad and I never put myself out there.    Even with R I didn't let him in I just went with the flow and was like whatever when it came to us but, I never allowed him to know me as a person mainly because he didn't want to know me as a person and yea thats an ouch but, I went with it.    Muscles is an okay guy but, I am not into him and I wasnt even when I said yes to the date because he seems like a shallow guy he is only asking out the hott chicks and everything from his hair and body to his car has to look good but, when I talked to him he didn't know much on an intelligent level.  He said he doesn't read at all so I named a few very FAMOUS authors and he was like ummm maybe.  I mean these are authors who are award winning that they teach on a college level.   Shit I read the lottery when I was like ten because my mother had her college books laying around and I thought cool stone people to death!  Then I went ahead and answered the questions.   Yes, I was a strange child and I am not saying a guy has to be college educatated but, he does need to be able to talk about more than how he runs   marathons.   I don't give a shit.  Muscles saw that I like to run and I don't run as often as I like to and I get that he thought I was a lover of running and I do love to open my mind and really push myself though not all the time .  If there is a movie on I want to watch I am not going running I am grabing a slice of pizza and watching a movie lol.    Maybe since R and I breaking up and since I have lost weight guys think I like to work out or something and I do but,  I don't like talking about it.   Muscles had nothing to say I even had to throw in a few words when he said after dinner why dont we ummm be ummmm.. I looked at him and was like spontanus. He was like yeah thats it ya know adjust fire.    I get that he's Army but, my husband was Army and thought he acted like a moron to other people like he would say I don't know if someone asked him something and yes, I am smarter than he was and he hated when I would read books and would try to get him to read but, he was smart and we could talk about things yes, I had to explain things sometimes but, he was still very smart.   Maybe my expectations of a man is too high.  I want someone that I like and that likes me but, I want someone that is smart and I can talk to  abotu things that are intreasting to the both of us.     Right now I wont be dating anyone.  The guy I thought was the nicest guy and kind of cute was this guy named J lol I wont put his real name on here but, guys don't think I would like a guy like that because they look at me and think I am this chick with big boobs and I care about looks but, I more into how a someone's personality is.   I had wished he would ask me out but, he just left the party and I wasn't going to give him my number.   I didn't even flirt with any guys I was more into making friends and I did so it was cool.     I don't know what the future holds but, i am looking forward to hanging out with and having fun.    I don't need someone else to be happy in my life because currently even though I am stressed about certain things I am happy.   I was asked out not to long ago by an 18 yr old guy and I said no of course lol.  i am in my twenties and I have nothing in common with someone of that age.   Single guys who are a bit older than me like Muscles are into clubbing and partying and I am over that stage in my life but, I still like going out and having I just don't like to party every weekend or even go out every weekend because thats not who I am.      I have a lot of house cleaning to do because my dad is finally coming home tomorrow and I have missed him so I am happy.