Night Out

Okay so after writting my blog yesterday I read it and realized what bullshit it was so I decided to have a girls night.   I had planned on getting completely drunk but, after I got there I decided against it.   I wasn't going to sink to a level that isn't me.  I was able to get advice from GIRLFRIENDS yes, ladies girlfriends are the best.     One of my girlfriends told me to stop being sad because he never cared about me.  We talked about some things and i was able to explain why i was so upset.  It felt good to get out of the house and not mope around.  I even talked to a guy who had asked me out before when R and I were "together" I should never have let R or any other man in my life and that's a lesson that was well learned.   The only screwed up thing about last night is R thinks I said something that I didn't.  I thought I would be more upset and bothered by it but, Im not I guess since the guy moved on and I know that he never cared about me it was eay to just say fuck it.     So I got to get out of the house and chat and have a good time and yes, I even played poker which I won ;)     I also deleted R's real name and some other stuff in the heat of the moment I was so pissed off.  A few nights ago he threw it in my face that he was sleeping with someone then said he wasn't which I figured and that couldn't wait to tell me how he met someone and was driving a hell of a long way to go to dinner with her.   I was so angry because he had no reason to throw any of that crap in my face and I don't know why he would when he would tell me how he hates that Im hurting and how he took part in it.    So it was bullshit hell even now I want to cry thinking about everything but, I won't.  Over a year ago I had not cried in FIVE YEARS.  I shut myself off completely and I am doing it again.   I'm not going to be a slave to life and any bullshit it throws my way.   When I had shut myself off I was fine.  I didn't need anybody and I liked it that way.  I still don't need anybody but, the fact I found myself wanting someone shows how dangeously close I got to allowing myself to sink into something that isn't me.   It is no use wanting things that are out of yoru control. I thought about giving the guy I talked to last ngiht a chance hell he even called around 3am which set off warnings in my head but, after speaking with him I realized im just not into him.  It could be a while before I find any man worth while or could just be the fact that he isn't my type.  Either way it's no sweat off my back.    Well I am tired and I need to get some sleep.  i finally saw that movie Friends With Benefits that R promised to take me to go see but, since we broke he said he had no intention of going with me so i saw it myself and may I say that thought the movie is adorable and is meant to give all girls around the world that their pwerfect guy is a one night stand away ITS NOT REAL!!!! and life doesnot turn out like that so any girls out there that still think romantic comedies can happen THEY DONT and THEY WONT.  Well I going to drift off to sleep because sleep in the one place I can go lately where I can dream about things that are so very real in my dreams it is only when I awake had find  that I wanted to go back but it boils down to will I write about my life or will I live it???